Empty, but Heavy

To the man that i will love after this..

There’s so much i ask of you but here is one.

There are a lot of times where I don’t know which way is up.

I’ll spend days and months trying to figure out how to swim in a shallow water and stand up on the ocean ground and I will need your hands but don’t pull me out of the water.

Just be with me till I figure out how to move my limbs in the right way so that I dont drown. 

Be with me when I fail to learn how to catch my breath and I have to drown.

Be with me when I drown. 

I have to apologize for a lot of things but here is one.

I don’t know how to draw a rest exclamation like I don’t understand what it is to be calm.

My mind is a rattling old box and it makes so much angry noises.

It rattles even without you trying to shake it.

It rattles the most when I lie every night and try to sleep as much as it is when I’m in between of my sleeps. 

I am sorry if it keeps you up at night. I am sorry if it’s too loud at times.

I’m sorry if it tries to argue with you and call you at silly times.

It has been lonely for a while now and I wonder if it’s loud because it’s empty or heavy. 

I’m sorry if my old empty box is heavy.

I'm sorry..



Jakarta,
24.04.2018